Seven months later. Standing in the living room of my new house I take a hammer to the nail to hang the last of the unpacked framed photos. Him hugging me from behind with his lips pressed to my neck. I hear the keys jingling against the newly painted front door- I know it's him, I don't have to turn to make sure. I only alter the frame to make it hang evenly. Black frame against a third layer of emerald paint. He enters the room, I smell the flowers before I see him- lilac, my favorite. A new bouquet every Thursday. I turn and meet his eyes and a smile sprouts on my face before I can say anything. He looks dishevelled. His tie pulled loose, top button undone on his white shirt that was crisp and new this morning. As I move to the next box marked "books" he comes over and plants a kiss on my forehead. With light in his eyes he asks me how his two girls are doing. I say we're fine as my hand falls to my swollen stomach. He puts down the purple flowers on the unopened box, drops to his knees and gives my belly button a quick and sweet kiss. She kicks.
My eyes open to my ceiling, the same white paint they have opened to all my life. My vision is blurry with tears before I realize I'm in my bed. Three long tears crawl down my cheek for the loss of the life.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
#5
Blogging! Was a better word not available? Sounds like ridiculous torture. Anyway.
Crazy night at the Chang Compound. You never appreciate Howard Beach until your friends live there and you have to schlep yourself home at 2am. Then you don't appreciate it at all. I now know the plight of the Chang. Sympathy, overwhelming.
What's good, Internet? How you been? Whatchudoin'? The spring semester is creeping up like a ninja. Well, maybe not ninja, cause those bastards don't creep. They appear out of no where and kill you swiftly. I'm so glad all that warm weather is over and I can resume enjoying blistering cold winds and sub-zero temperatures the way the good lord intended. Give it up for the North-East! I am so sick of school it disgusts me. I've been a student for 18 years, I think I'm done. Paid my dues- just give me my diploma and no one gets hurt.
I'm so goddamn tired it's disgusting. More coffee I say!.... I really have to start saying that more when there's actually someone here to get me coffee not just when I'm all by myself typing in the cold.
So! Tomorrow is Martin Luther King Jr.s B-day (It's his birthday right? Not just, like, a day dedicated to him?) as we all know and in memorium I want to convince this guy I know to go to a public place and recite the "I Have a Dream..." speech. I only want him to do this because he takes of every M.L.K.J Day and does nothing every year. He doesn't work, doesn't go out, he just does nothing for the principle of the day. So I think a good tradition to start would be going to a different place every year and recite this great, historical speech. What? You don't think so? Way to crush my dreams. See, I had a dream too and you just seem hellbent on destroying my child-like spirit and wonder. Why?....why?
Internet, I want to wish you a happy M.L.K.J Day and I hope that all your dreams come true since mine are destined to shrivel and die due to lack of encouragement. You unsupportive bastards. Enjoy your day off you assholes, if you want to know where I'll be, it's at work, I don't get these holiday breaks. You'll have to sit me down on your lap some day, tossle my hair and tell me what it's like to have a day off. I hear it's like a Saturday wrapped in a snow day dating the Easter Bunny... What? What do you mean that's wrong? What's nonsensical about it? Shut up.
Crazy night at the Chang Compound. You never appreciate Howard Beach until your friends live there and you have to schlep yourself home at 2am. Then you don't appreciate it at all. I now know the plight of the Chang. Sympathy, overwhelming.
What's good, Internet? How you been? Whatchudoin'? The spring semester is creeping up like a ninja. Well, maybe not ninja, cause those bastards don't creep. They appear out of no where and kill you swiftly. I'm so glad all that warm weather is over and I can resume enjoying blistering cold winds and sub-zero temperatures the way the good lord intended. Give it up for the North-East! I am so sick of school it disgusts me. I've been a student for 18 years, I think I'm done. Paid my dues- just give me my diploma and no one gets hurt.
I'm so goddamn tired it's disgusting. More coffee I say!.... I really have to start saying that more when there's actually someone here to get me coffee not just when I'm all by myself typing in the cold.
So! Tomorrow is Martin Luther King Jr.s B-day (It's his birthday right? Not just, like, a day dedicated to him?) as we all know and in memorium I want to convince this guy I know to go to a public place and recite the "I Have a Dream..." speech. I only want him to do this because he takes of every M.L.K.J Day and does nothing every year. He doesn't work, doesn't go out, he just does nothing for the principle of the day. So I think a good tradition to start would be going to a different place every year and recite this great, historical speech. What? You don't think so? Way to crush my dreams. See, I had a dream too and you just seem hellbent on destroying my child-like spirit and wonder. Why?....why?
Internet, I want to wish you a happy M.L.K.J Day and I hope that all your dreams come true since mine are destined to shrivel and die due to lack of encouragement. You unsupportive bastards. Enjoy your day off you assholes, if you want to know where I'll be, it's at work, I don't get these holiday breaks. You'll have to sit me down on your lap some day, tossle my hair and tell me what it's like to have a day off. I hear it's like a Saturday wrapped in a snow day dating the Easter Bunny... What? What do you mean that's wrong? What's nonsensical about it? Shut up.
Friday, January 15, 2010
# 4
I eat meat. It's no mystery that meat is delicious and a good source of nutrients. There's nothing I enjoy more than a hamburger, Internet. I'm sorry, correction cheeseburger. If I could, I would roam the streets roaring like a damn T-Rex (but they put people in the funny house for shit like that nowadays) I dare to dream.
Why this random meat topic?... Here's the deal, I dislike PETA. I think they are elitist backward ass thinkers who are too concerned with saving animals to contemplate the real problems in the world. Children are starving and dying from cancer, natural disasters are in abundance and brother is killing brother in every country, continent and hemisphere. Why does it matter whether someone is eating meat or wearing fur. Is the way that these animals are treated wrong? Yes. But should people be attacked and criticized for exercising a right? What you don't have the right to do is run around harassing people and throwing red paint on people's personal property. Why don't they go down to Rikers and throw that shit on actual murderers? Do they realize that they are in fact killing more animals by destroying already made fur coats? They're just going to go out and kill more. A good fur coat can last you a lifetime but PETA's probably keeping the fur people in business. Funny how it's okay to destroy people's personal property. If anyone ever threw paint on me, I'd throw paint on them, their home, their car and their first born child (non-toxic of course- I'm no monster)
Look, I'm against clubbing baby seals, poaching whales and hunting for sport but there is always a line. Just because I don't want to do something doesn't mean that someone else can't.
Something like 75% or more of the animals that have ever walked on planet earth are dead. DEAD. Not endangered or on the brink or in breeding programs in your local zoos. D-E-A-D. Gone the way of the DoDo. And I have news for people we're probably not too far down on the list of extinctions to come. I don't interogate vegetarians for their dietary choices (to each his own) but I have been subject to questioning and judgement by vegetarians/vegans/whatever you call yourself (I don't know the rules).
Serious question: Why do you guys like your tofu to taste like beef and chicken? You don't want to eat the dead carcass but you want it to taste like the dead carcass? Why not just make it taste like candy or ice cream? I bet more people would eat it.
I'm a health freak. I eat right, take care of my body, don't smoke, limited drinking and workout every week. I am in great condition. I just got my physical results back from my doctor today he used the word "perfect" to describe my health, and I eat meat like it's nobody's business. So it's not for health reasons that I should stop eating meat. I'm probably in better shape than most vegetarians. People just need to realize it's not wrong to eat meat. It doesn't make you a bad person.
So PETA, suck it. Suck it hard. While you attack us for eating a cow, notice how no one's protesting on your front lawn to save the soy bean. I'm commending Kelis today for her hilarious and totally awesome words in an open letter to PETA for attacking her. This is just a small taste.
"There is no humane way to kill anything, let me start there. It's unfortunate but it's part of life. With that being said I would eat pterodactyl if you found some and you told me it was meaty and delicious."
Why this random meat topic?... Here's the deal, I dislike PETA. I think they are elitist backward ass thinkers who are too concerned with saving animals to contemplate the real problems in the world. Children are starving and dying from cancer, natural disasters are in abundance and brother is killing brother in every country, continent and hemisphere. Why does it matter whether someone is eating meat or wearing fur. Is the way that these animals are treated wrong? Yes. But should people be attacked and criticized for exercising a right? What you don't have the right to do is run around harassing people and throwing red paint on people's personal property. Why don't they go down to Rikers and throw that shit on actual murderers? Do they realize that they are in fact killing more animals by destroying already made fur coats? They're just going to go out and kill more. A good fur coat can last you a lifetime but PETA's probably keeping the fur people in business. Funny how it's okay to destroy people's personal property. If anyone ever threw paint on me, I'd throw paint on them, their home, their car and their first born child (non-toxic of course- I'm no monster)
Look, I'm against clubbing baby seals, poaching whales and hunting for sport but there is always a line. Just because I don't want to do something doesn't mean that someone else can't.
Something like 75% or more of the animals that have ever walked on planet earth are dead. DEAD. Not endangered or on the brink or in breeding programs in your local zoos. D-E-A-D. Gone the way of the DoDo. And I have news for people we're probably not too far down on the list of extinctions to come. I don't interogate vegetarians for their dietary choices (to each his own) but I have been subject to questioning and judgement by vegetarians/vegans/whatever you call yourself (I don't know the rules).
Serious question: Why do you guys like your tofu to taste like beef and chicken? You don't want to eat the dead carcass but you want it to taste like the dead carcass? Why not just make it taste like candy or ice cream? I bet more people would eat it.
I'm a health freak. I eat right, take care of my body, don't smoke, limited drinking and workout every week. I am in great condition. I just got my physical results back from my doctor today he used the word "perfect" to describe my health, and I eat meat like it's nobody's business. So it's not for health reasons that I should stop eating meat. I'm probably in better shape than most vegetarians. People just need to realize it's not wrong to eat meat. It doesn't make you a bad person.
So PETA, suck it. Suck it hard. While you attack us for eating a cow, notice how no one's protesting on your front lawn to save the soy bean. I'm commending Kelis today for her hilarious and totally awesome words in an open letter to PETA for attacking her. This is just a small taste.
"There is no humane way to kill anything, let me start there. It's unfortunate but it's part of life. With that being said I would eat pterodactyl if you found some and you told me it was meaty and delicious."
Friday, August 21, 2009
#3
I don't have anything in particular to say. Just messing around.
What a long couple of days. School starts in a week.
I'm not ready. I can't even figure out the schedule for work between me and the other girls. I think I'm going to have a couple of vacant shifts, which is problematic. I'll figure something out. Just so tired. I slept for three hours yesterday afternoon. I have an ulcer. I'm falling apart, Internet. I think I'll paint my nails to make myself feel better. It relaxes me.
This is a shorts week. I feel it in my nuggets. It's too hot for pants....and sleeves.
.....This blog is such nonsense. Maybe I'll talk about something important later.
What a long couple of days. School starts in a week.
I'm not ready. I can't even figure out the schedule for work between me and the other girls. I think I'm going to have a couple of vacant shifts, which is problematic. I'll figure something out. Just so tired. I slept for three hours yesterday afternoon. I have an ulcer. I'm falling apart, Internet. I think I'll paint my nails to make myself feel better. It relaxes me.
This is a shorts week. I feel it in my nuggets. It's too hot for pants....and sleeves.
.....This blog is such nonsense. Maybe I'll talk about something important later.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
#2
Is anyone as hot as I am right now?
The answer: Doubtful
Sweet lord it's hot out. It was 82 degrees inside when I got to work. It rained last night so it should be cooler but it isn't because the weather people are constantly changing the reporting and science of weather so that we as a society cannot rise up and attack them for being so bad at their jobs. Baseball players have better statistics than these guys. Perhaps I shall write a strongly worded letter ALL CAPS regarding my distress.
Anyway....enough of this weather talk.
What up? Got back from R.I./Boston last Friday good times. Drank alot, saw some of Providence and whatever little freakass towns they have outside of there. Mostly stayed in due to the rain. Played Sorry about 15 times, Scrabble, Settlers of Catan, the Name Game
What else...... Uhh...
I don't know what else is going on. Evidently, a man was murdered outside of my business (well, next door to....well, adjacent to). And I have to tell you Internet, I'm concerned. Not only by the fact that a man was beaten to death (because that in and of itself is tragic enough, cause from what I knew he was a cool dude) but that I came to work Sunday and knew nothing of it. I heard it from NO ONE, I saw NO evidence that anything may have happened and the only way I heard about it was one of my ladies (A.k.A. members) told me what had happened.... on Monday- a full day later.
Apparently the NYPD or maybe even some other authority has posted signs saying the situation and what happened but they're minuscule. I didn't even see them...and still haven't. Maybe I'm retarded or maybe they're just weak signs. Who knows. I try to look straight ahead when I walk as to not make eye contact with others.
This is how I get my news, people. Random individuals informing me of segments of the actual events in passing. If it sounds ridiculous to you- it's because it is. My indifference is also a variable I'm not going to play this thing one sided.
This A/C is making my nose stuffy.
Everyone should go see District 9 if you haven't already. It's a really great movie. The style is cool (shot in half documentary style), the story is compelling and engrossing, the action is SICK, Internet. That Peter Jackson knows what he's producin'.
No one's here. I get so bored when this place is empty but then when people are here I just want them to go. What's that all about? It's like my social half battling my hermit half in Thunderdome.
Do you think there's more than one Thunderdome or just the individual one? Like would you have to travel all the way to Australia if you wanted a Battle Royale? Or would each continent have one like a Disney Park?...EuroThunderdome? Doesn't quite roll off the tongue.
Yes, this is what it's like to be in my head...all the time. Pure, concentrated nonsense 24/7 straight from the tap. Not that anyone's actually reading this. Except, like, Yacki. Hi, Yacki.
Okay. I should probably get some form of work done or at least get a sweater cause I'm getting a serious cold.
The answer: Doubtful
Sweet lord it's hot out. It was 82 degrees inside when I got to work. It rained last night so it should be cooler but it isn't because the weather people are constantly changing the reporting and science of weather so that we as a society cannot rise up and attack them for being so bad at their jobs. Baseball players have better statistics than these guys. Perhaps I shall write a strongly worded letter ALL CAPS regarding my distress.
Anyway....enough of this weather talk.
What up? Got back from R.I./Boston last Friday good times. Drank alot, saw some of Providence and whatever little freakass towns they have outside of there. Mostly stayed in due to the rain. Played Sorry about 15 times, Scrabble, Settlers of Catan, the Name Game
What else...... Uhh...
I don't know what else is going on. Evidently, a man was murdered outside of my business (well, next door to....well, adjacent to). And I have to tell you Internet, I'm concerned. Not only by the fact that a man was beaten to death (because that in and of itself is tragic enough, cause from what I knew he was a cool dude) but that I came to work Sunday and knew nothing of it. I heard it from NO ONE, I saw NO evidence that anything may have happened and the only way I heard about it was one of my ladies (A.k.A. members) told me what had happened.... on Monday- a full day later.
Apparently the NYPD or maybe even some other authority has posted signs saying the situation and what happened but they're minuscule. I didn't even see them...and still haven't. Maybe I'm retarded or maybe they're just weak signs. Who knows. I try to look straight ahead when I walk as to not make eye contact with others.
This is how I get my news, people. Random individuals informing me of segments of the actual events in passing. If it sounds ridiculous to you- it's because it is. My indifference is also a variable I'm not going to play this thing one sided.
This A/C is making my nose stuffy.
Everyone should go see District 9 if you haven't already. It's a really great movie. The style is cool (shot in half documentary style), the story is compelling and engrossing, the action is SICK, Internet. That Peter Jackson knows what he's producin'.
No one's here. I get so bored when this place is empty but then when people are here I just want them to go. What's that all about? It's like my social half battling my hermit half in Thunderdome.
Do you think there's more than one Thunderdome or just the individual one? Like would you have to travel all the way to Australia if you wanted a Battle Royale? Or would each continent have one like a Disney Park?...EuroThunderdome? Doesn't quite roll off the tongue.
Yes, this is what it's like to be in my head...all the time. Pure, concentrated nonsense 24/7 straight from the tap. Not that anyone's actually reading this. Except, like, Yacki. Hi, Yacki.
Okay. I should probably get some form of work done or at least get a sweater cause I'm getting a serious cold.
Monday, August 10, 2009
#1
First blog. Though unnecessary since I will be leaving in a little more than 24 hours out of state. Attempting to do laundry, make dinner, blog and watch "Lars and the Real Girl" at the same time is proving to be more challenging then I thought. But I'll manage. I always do. Time to put stuff in the dryer.
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